Sometimes I prefer to vent on here rather than to a friend. I used to keep journals and write down everything. No one had to read it or listen to me complain. I got it out of my system without someone telling me something I really didn't care to hear. I don't go to people to get advice, I just wanna get things off my chest.
I've been in the mood to apologize a lot lately. I'm tired of being on bad terms and things just being awkward. Just cos I do this, doesn't mean it fixes anything. It's actually made things worse a few times. I hate that friendships don't last forever. I hate how rude and gross people get. I hate how rude and gross I get.
I don't want people to see me as this girl that just fights with everyone. I also don't want to be seen as a pushover. Why wouldn't I say something to defend myself? But when is it too much? When should I let some girl talk shit about me and keep my mouth shut?
I know people that don't like me read this. And if you're reading this, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for opening my mouth. I'm not a confrontational person. And if I've said insanely rude things to you. This sounds insane. I know. I just want to move on and put all of this behind me. I'm not a hateful person. And if we were once friends, this really sucks.
I've met a bunch of lovely people lately. Taking pictures of their kids or just getting to know them on here. I would hate to lose the friends I have now. I'm taking responsibility cos frankly, I know I can be a shit head.
I get a worse feeling being rude to someone than I do from someone being rude to me. It hurts my stomach and my palms sweat. I wonder how the same person that loves my family with my entire heart can also be such a bitch.
I'm not expecting this to fix anything at all. I just want everyone to know that I'm sorry. and that I honestly just regret being a huge asshole.
Showing posts with label bad friend. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bad friend. Show all posts
Just a bunch of venting.
Friday, February 6, 2015
As a quick life update I'll let you know that I'm excited for this weekend to end. It'll be the last big thing we have planned to pass. That's right! No more planning until Thanksgiving. I'm ready to just relax. I'm also ready for the time to change so I can actually see the sun after work. Talk about a motivation killer. I get home as the sun is setting and it just bums me out so much.
I've been thinking a lot lately about how crappy of a person I am. What a downer. But really, I go through friends every couple months. And sometimes we just stop talking but we're still cool, and other times they tell me they hate me and that I'm a bitch. I can't blame them, I am! But it was brought to my attention that it happens a lot. A lot, a lot. Which is embarrassing! I usually don't worry about it because I figure I'll be friends with them in a year or two. What a terrible way to think. Basically, I don't value my friends. Why am I like that? I guess because no matter what, I always have my family. I have it imprinted in my brain that I don't actually need anyone else.
I've been taking baby steps to apologize to people/get on good terms.
1. Stop saying bad things about them
I talk shit, and it's a filthy habit that is insanely hard for me to break. I can go months without saying anything and then I lose my shit and start talking about everyone.
2. Send them a "do you still hate me?" text
I may be a little awkward at approaching people, okay, very awkward. But better than beating around the bush, right? No? Well I haven't found a better way to confront someone.
3. Adding them on social media
It's the ultimate white-flag for me. When I add someone it doesn't necessarily mean I want to be friends, but it does mean that I don't want negativity between us. Sometimes they add me, sometimes they don't.
4. Apologizing
This is the hardest one for me. Especially if I don't think I'm at fault. Whether what I said was rude or not, if I don't feel that I did wrong, why would I apologize? Wrong way to think, yet again. Obviously if I said something and someone tells me they don't want to be friends-I did something wrong.
This doesn't mean apologize just cos you hurt someones feelings. But know what is right and what isn't right to say to someone. Know what they're sensitive about. It's a touchy subject because why should you have to worry about what you say, isn't everyone entitled to using their voice?
The thing I learned about growing up and maturing is that "Maturity is the ability to think, speak and act your feelings within the bounds of dignity. The measure of your maturity is how spiritual you become during the midst of your frustrations." -Samuel Ullman
I didn't have to say those rude things to my friends just to get my point across, in fact, what they do with their lives has absolutely no effect on me, so why bother?
"I want to be a better girl" is written in all of my bios on social media. Not only because I love Best Coast, but because it's true. It's a simple reminder to stop being an asshole and grow up.
So this is my attempt.
I've been thinking a lot lately about how crappy of a person I am. What a downer. But really, I go through friends every couple months. And sometimes we just stop talking but we're still cool, and other times they tell me they hate me and that I'm a bitch. I can't blame them, I am! But it was brought to my attention that it happens a lot. A lot, a lot. Which is embarrassing! I usually don't worry about it because I figure I'll be friends with them in a year or two. What a terrible way to think. Basically, I don't value my friends. Why am I like that? I guess because no matter what, I always have my family. I have it imprinted in my brain that I don't actually need anyone else.
I've been taking baby steps to apologize to people/get on good terms.
1. Stop saying bad things about them
I talk shit, and it's a filthy habit that is insanely hard for me to break. I can go months without saying anything and then I lose my shit and start talking about everyone.
2. Send them a "do you still hate me?" text
I may be a little awkward at approaching people, okay, very awkward. But better than beating around the bush, right? No? Well I haven't found a better way to confront someone.
3. Adding them on social media
It's the ultimate white-flag for me. When I add someone it doesn't necessarily mean I want to be friends, but it does mean that I don't want negativity between us. Sometimes they add me, sometimes they don't.
4. Apologizing
This is the hardest one for me. Especially if I don't think I'm at fault. Whether what I said was rude or not, if I don't feel that I did wrong, why would I apologize? Wrong way to think, yet again. Obviously if I said something and someone tells me they don't want to be friends-I did something wrong.
This doesn't mean apologize just cos you hurt someones feelings. But know what is right and what isn't right to say to someone. Know what they're sensitive about. It's a touchy subject because why should you have to worry about what you say, isn't everyone entitled to using their voice?
The thing I learned about growing up and maturing is that "Maturity is the ability to think, speak and act your feelings within the bounds of dignity. The measure of your maturity is how spiritual you become during the midst of your frustrations." -Samuel Ullman
I didn't have to say those rude things to my friends just to get my point across, in fact, what they do with their lives has absolutely no effect on me, so why bother?
"I want to be a better girl" is written in all of my bios on social media. Not only because I love Best Coast, but because it's true. It's a simple reminder to stop being an asshole and grow up.
So this is my attempt.
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