Photo by Cocorrina.com

This is long overdue. 

I finally changed my phone number. Partly cos I wanted a dramatic change, and partly cos now I know exactly who has it. I took a break from texting and didn't give many people my number for a couple of days. If anyone took that personally, well, I don't really know what to tell you. I personally needed the break. I deleted my Facebook and Twitter app as well. I only get text notifications now.

I've decided to rid my life of anything negative. Granted, this isn't an over night process. It's going to take a while. But I've stopped creeping (which really wasn't that hard) I just don't browse the internet much anymore. I always found myself on random people's accounts, getting upset at what I thought were absurd things to post. But that's more of an opinion. Not like everyone agrees with everything I post. So I've stopped wasting my time with that. (It's been 4 weeks)

Friends. This was a hard one. Which is why I needed the texting break. I got tired of the negativity some people brought. If it doesn't concern me, why do I care? I don't. I don't need other people's problems. I've made plenty of new friends and lost plenty that I don't need. I think everything happens for a reason, and I'm beyond happy with the group I have now. Mostly because they don't live near me. I don't feel obligated to text anyone 24/7. I hate feeling like I need to maintain a friendship like it's a relationship. I have enough to worry about with my husband and daughter. 

Of course, I care deeply about the friends I have, but they understand if I take a couple hours to reply-they also have families. I will do what I can to be there for them. But I won't put them ahead of my family, and I don't expect any of them to do that for me.

Internet. Almost goes hand-in-hand with friends. Except you're not really friends. You're internet acquaintances until you meet in person. I hate getting on facebook or twitter and seeing people talk shit. It drives me crazy. Of all the things you could be doing with your time.. Instead of talking about how a girl looks, what a guy said, or what someone else is doing with their life...maybe improve  yours? It just looks ugly. I don't want to know people like that. I don't want to be like that. I want it out of my life. Social media can be so toxic. 

It's hard writing stuff like this. Personal stuff. I go back and forth between not putting too much out there and just being who I am. But this is my blog. And I want it to be more honest than a bunch of pictures I take of/for friends and a list of shit I want. I started this blog to have a place to go and put my words. If you don't like this, then close it. Its simple. Thank you for the page view but I don't need anymore negativity. :-)

If you read all the way to the bottom, I'm impressed. I didn't think anyone would read this far down. This post was mostly just for myself. Now that I've been staying off the internet and doing more productive things, I've been so much happier. I'm excited to see how differently things will be. 

Just a bunch of venting.

Sometimes I prefer to vent on here rather than to a friend. I used to keep journals and write down everything. No one had to read it or listen to me complain. I got it out of my system without someone telling me something I really didn't care to hear. I don't go to people to get advice, I just wanna get things off my chest.

 I've been in the mood to apologize a lot lately. I'm tired of being on bad terms and things just being awkward. Just cos I do this, doesn't mean it fixes anything. It's actually made things worse a few times. I hate that friendships don't last forever. I hate how rude and gross people get. I hate how rude and gross I get.

I don't want people to see me as this girl that just fights with everyone. I also don't want to be seen as a pushover. Why wouldn't I say something to defend myself? But when is it too much? When should I let some girl talk shit about me and keep my mouth shut?

I know people that don't like me read this. And if you're reading this, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for opening my mouth. I'm not a confrontational person. And if I've said insanely rude things to you. This sounds insane. I know. I just want to move on and put all of this behind me. I'm not a hateful person. And if we were once friends, this really sucks.

I've met a bunch of lovely people lately. Taking pictures of their kids or just getting to know them on here. I would hate to lose the friends I have now. I'm taking responsibility cos frankly, I know I can be a shit head.

I get a worse feeling being rude to someone than I do from someone being rude to me. It hurts my stomach and my palms sweat. I wonder how the same person that loves my family with my entire heart can also be such a bitch.

I'm not expecting this to fix anything at all. I just want everyone to know that I'm sorry. and that I honestly just regret being a huge asshole.

Why vent to a friend when you have the Internet?

Problem is, some of us vent a little too much to the Internet. I know I'm guilty. It can be hard. Especially when you don't wanna bug someone. You don't wanna be that person that only contacts someone when something is wrong.

But how nice would it be to have someone solely for that? I used to be that person to a few of my friends. And I didn't mind. I know what it's like to need someone to talk to. They don't even have to give advice, just listening is enough most of the time. 

How much is too much? 

We all post status' or tweets about someone we don't like. Indirectly. Hoping maybe just maybe they'll see it and know it's about them. But I've seen a few people take it too far. Mentioning a few things here and there seems to be okay these days. But some people literally just sit there at their screens posting things to intentionally hurt someone. Why? What good does that do? It took a while for me to realize just how shitty I was being. Honestly. What kind of person just posts negative things about people? To make fun of someone? Why did I do that? I have no idea. I deleted my Twitter for a while. Kept a lot to myself. And you know, it's helped me. I don't feel the need to waste my time talking about someone that I honestly don't care about. I'm not going to invest my time on them anymore. I'm better than that. Next time you want to post something about someone you "don't like", try to just realize that you do care about that person. Enough to think about them, and post about them. Get over it. Move on. Grow up. You'll be a lot happier when that person just isn't in your life at all. Find something to distract you. Just remember that

1. What Susie says of Sally says more of Susie than of Sally.

The other thing I see is relationship posts. Which I am also guilty of. I try not to anymore. Do we not realize that social media is like the #1 cause of separation now? The worst thing is seeing one parter complain about the other. Talk about embarrassing. I've done it. We all have. Or not. Some of us are better than that. THEN the next post is about how much they love their partner! It makes the relationship seem unstable. It's okay to bottle certain things up. If your man/woman is being a turd, then let them. So be it. Let them be a turd. You know the person better than all of your followers. You know if it's going to last forever or not. I know a few people might get upset about this. But if it's not something you realize then there's a bigger problem. You don't have to post every high and low of your relationship. If you're happy, you're happy. No one needs justification. There are only two people in (most) relationships. And the Internet is not included. 

The last type of venting I see is personal problems. Let's be real, we complain about how much life sucks to see who cares enough to text us and ask if we're okay. Bottom line is, we want attention. And we cry on the Internet like its our own personal diary. Why not text a friend and say "I need someone to talk to?" I've done it. I wasn't embarrassed at all. Sometimes that's all we need. Just to complain and cry. Most of our friends understand that and they're willing to listen. I have an amazing group of friends that are right there as soon as I need to talk. And they know I'm there for them. It's not the end of the world. Someone does care.

The Internet is not a diary. (I'm a bit of a hypocrite here writing this in my blog) 

I'm here to listen. And I'm sure you have a couple people that would love to help you out as well.