Becoming A Mom-Olivia's birth story

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Today is Thursday May 7th, I just found out that Mothers Day is this Sunday. What better timing to do a birth story? Forgive my story telling, I already know I'm going to be all over the place.
*also, its going to get very personal & probably gross*

So the days following up to Olivia's birth are all kinda blurry at this point. 
Saturday January 18th ~ Period-like bleeding
Sunday January 19th ~ Lost my mucus plug at 4am
Monday January 20th ~ Stayed home from work to "monitor contractions"
Tuesday January 21st ~ Olivia is born

I was exhausted Tuesday morning, but decided I'd still go in to work since I called in the day before, and I was getting a few gifts from coworkers.
I was training a new girl at work, the girl that was going to be replacing me. I used to verify health insurance for a podiatrist. I remember feeling super uncomfortable, not more than usual-not that I noticed anyway. My lower back was being super annoying. I honestly just thought I had to poop. But no matter how many times I went to the restroom-nothing happened.
One of the medical assistants walked by and I asked her what it felt like to be in labor. She blatantly said "it feels like you have to poop". Well then. I still wasn't convinced. Olivia wasn't due for 2 more weeks. I was just being a sissy.

Hours and hours go by and I'm constantly rearranging myself and trying to train this new girl. I was so ready to go home and nap. 5 o'clock rolls around and I decided to take some boxes of baby wipes and pampers to the car, as soon as I opened the door to the car my water broke! I couldn't believe it, I honestly thought I pissed myself. I walked back inside...scratch that, I waddled back inside and went to the restroom, definitely wasn't piss. Or it didn't smell like it anyway. So I went back into the office and let everyone know I'd be back in a few weeks. Off I went. 
 I drove myself home, contractions getting stronger and stronger by the minute. Nothing I couldn't handle though. I called Jose while I was on my way and told him to get everything ready. He helped me out of the car and I decided the best idea would be to take a shower??? Why on earth did I think that was a good idea? I remember standing in the shower and pushing so much fluid out. -Which by the way, is like the worst thing you could do, unless you want to push your kid out-
I just wanted to rinse the bottom half of my body and put on comfy clothes. 

Next was the drive-45 whole minutes to a nearby town cos I refused to have my daughter in Tyler after I heard horrible reviews about Labor & Delivery here. That was probably the longest ride of my entire life. Luckily we had signed most of the forms the Saturday before, so registration was a breeze and we knew exactly where to go since we took a tour. 

I was put on a bed and my cervix was checked, I was 100% effaced and dilated to 5 or 6cm. I wasn't getting a break in between contractions so they gave me a shot to slow them down. They put it in the back of my arm, it stung so bad. The nurse had such a hard time finding a vein, I wasn't aware that they had to check your blood (does anyone know why?) before you get an epidural. 
Finally, it was time for the epidural. I don't even remember feeling the needle, or seeing it. But I remember the anesthesiologists hands were freezing and that bugged the shit out of me. 
My legs went numb, they felt warm, maybe that was me peeing. Either way, I was content. 

The next minutes/hours (I lost track at this point) lasted forever.
The doctor had such a concerning expression on his face,  I knew what he was going to say but I didn't want to hear it.
They grabbed this long rod/stick, it looked like a rod that you use to keep a tent up, and bent it-then inserted the curvy angle. I know you're probably cringing by now.
He wiggled it around a little bit-nothing. He said the babies heart rate was decreasing rapidly. We couldn't get her to "wake up" or be active. Remember how I told you I was pushing fluid out in the shower? Olivia was running out of oxygen and it was my fault. I was going to cause her to be a stillborn cos I did something incredibly stupid. I was panicking, I didn't say anything or tell anyone-but I was terrified.

The doctor left the room, I turned to my right and looked at Jose, with tears falling from my eyes, I asked "what if I have to have a C-section?" he tried reassuring me and told me it wouldn't happen, that everything would be okay. The doctor walked back in and his exact words were "We don't like how this looks, we want to do an emergency C-section"
At this point, I couldn't control my tears, hell, apparently I couldn't control anything. They wheeled my bed out of the room, I could barely make out anyone's face, the tears were coming so fast that I couldn't see. To be completely honest, I wasn't surprised. Nothing ever goes the way I plan. Why would giving birth be any different?

The anesthesiologist gave me another epidural. He pinched my skin, I could feel the pressure of his pinch without the pain. He told me they were about to start, I don't remember if I actually screamed or if I just wanted to scream for them to wait, Jose wasn't in the room. I couldn't do it without him. I mean, I could if I really had to, but I didn't want to. He walked in and sat beside me. They had this blue "curtain" up so I couldn't see anything. I felt the knife slicing my stomach open. I felt their hands reaching in and grabbing my baby and pulling her away from my body, it lifted me off the table and made a suction cup pop when they got her out. I told Jose to go with her, he walked over to the cart they were cleaning her on.

Although I could see Jose smiling across the room, I couldn't smile. I couldn't hear my baby crying. I hadn't even seen what she looked like. I started panicking and trying to turn my body to the left. In my mind, I thought a nap would make me feel better. I tried ripping my IV's out and turning, the surgeon kept yelling for me to stay still so he could stitch me up. I guess my anesthesiologist got tired of me acting crazy and said "I'm going to give you something to help" so I was like wow, how nice of him, its probably gonna calm me down. Well, it did, he gave me Demerol and it completely knocked me out.
This is actually the most difficult part for me; I woke up and saw my family members in a huddle around some lady. What were they doing over there? Where was my baby? In a little cart in the middle of the huddle, the nurse was teaching Jose how to swaddle my child.
I was still coming off the medicine so I was too loopy to figure out how to express myself. But I was hurt. I had somehow gotten left out of giving birth. The one thing that was going to be mine. Jose walked over with our girl swaddled in his arms.
She looked like a fat little Chinese man. In my loopy mind I kept thinking about how I didn't recognize her. I tried to focus my eyes on her, she was incredibly heavy, I could barely hold her up with all the cords I had wrapped around me. She was perfect.
Olivia Lucia was born at 9:39pm by emergency C-Section, weighing in at 7 lbs 6 oz. Perfectly healthy.

Thank you so much for reading this entire thing if you did, I know it was lengthy and I've been meaning to post it for a while now. I hope you guys have a great mothers day, be sure to show your moms tons of love, we put up with a lot. B) And for other moms reading this, I hope it was uninterrupted.
**To any first time moms-do not push the amniotic fluid out before you get to the hospital, it can cause serious complications for your child. 
To any mothers afraid of cesarean sections, though it may not be your first choice for a birth plan, you have to remember that we don't have many(if any) limitations when it comes to protecting our children, and sometimes a C-Section is the best route for mother and child.

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