Just a bunch of venting.

Sometimes I prefer to vent on here rather than to a friend. I used to keep journals and write down everything. No one had to read it or listen to me complain. I got it out of my system without someone telling me something I really didn't care to hear. I don't go to people to get advice, I just wanna get things off my chest.

 I've been in the mood to apologize a lot lately. I'm tired of being on bad terms and things just being awkward. Just cos I do this, doesn't mean it fixes anything. It's actually made things worse a few times. I hate that friendships don't last forever. I hate how rude and gross people get. I hate how rude and gross I get.

I don't want people to see me as this girl that just fights with everyone. I also don't want to be seen as a pushover. Why wouldn't I say something to defend myself? But when is it too much? When should I let some girl talk shit about me and keep my mouth shut?

I know people that don't like me read this. And if you're reading this, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for opening my mouth. I'm not a confrontational person. And if I've said insanely rude things to you. This sounds insane. I know. I just want to move on and put all of this behind me. I'm not a hateful person. And if we were once friends, this really sucks.

I've met a bunch of lovely people lately. Taking pictures of their kids or just getting to know them on here. I would hate to lose the friends I have now. I'm taking responsibility cos frankly, I know I can be a shit head.

I get a worse feeling being rude to someone than I do from someone being rude to me. It hurts my stomach and my palms sweat. I wonder how the same person that loves my family with my entire heart can also be such a bitch.

I'm not expecting this to fix anything at all. I just want everyone to know that I'm sorry. and that I honestly just regret being a huge asshole.