I saw this on Tumblr the other day, and I couldn't stop thinking about it throughout the week. Although I am thankful for my job..I don't enjoy it. I don't like the medical field. I miss making coffee and spending the day at home even if I have to sacrifice weekends. I miss my free time. I'm still unsure what I want to do as a long term career, but I know that right now, I want more time with my girl and my family-and to be young. I'm 21, not 54!!  So I may have to take a slight pay cut, and we'll have to make sacrifices, but being happier will always make it worth it. I'm still going back and forth with this idea, I haven't made any changes yet. I've applied a few different places, but so far nothing has changed. I guess I just need motivation! (Which is where you come in.) I also feel incredibly selfish. I've been trying to push myself, but at the expense of my family, maybe a pay cut wouldn't be best. I just have to weigh the pros and cons. What do you guys think? Happiness, or living comfortable? I don't mention God very often, but I'm a firm believer and I honestly think that someone watches over us, maybe I just need something to believe in so that I'm more positive. Or maybe God protects us in one way or another. I think I have someone that helps guide me, and I think as long as I stay hopeful, something will come my way.       The end of this post wasn't intended to offend anyone.

Working in the medical field

I never realized how sad working in a hospital could be.

It definitely wasn't my first choice when I thought about a career I'd be interested in.

Lucky for me, I have great job security, a desk to myself, a huge window to look out of, and the best benefits from the state. I am able to provide for my family. I am thankful for my position at the hospital.

But, I didn't realize the toll it takes. Seeing the same patients week after week, that's not me complaining about the individuals-but feeling bad. Hoping they get better. I'm currently listening to a woman in the waiting room tell someone about how she had stomach cancer 2 years ago and how her spouse passed away from cancer. How do I just ignore that? Sickness is all around me. I see patients crying after they see the psychologist, we send referrals for things I can't imagine my family members going through. The medical field is alive and well, but the patients aren't. No matter how beautiful it is outside, I can't help but feel like shit when the person I'm scheduling an appointment for can't even breathe. 

I hate when I give a patient their card and say "We'll see you in 6 months!" and their response is "If I make it that far."

It opens your eyes. Suddenly the things you've been worrying about aren't that big of a deal. I'm incredibly blessed to be healthy. To have a healthy husband and a healthy baby. I worked in family practice for a couple of months and nothing broke my heart more than seeing a sick child. Not being able to let anyone know what was wrong with them. Not knowing themselves what was wrong. I cannot imagine what it must be like to worry about the health of your baby. I never want to know. 

I can't imagine going to the hospital with my husband and watching our health decline. I see so many couples that visit the doctor together and that's great, its an awesome support system. But can you imagine being in the room, like a fly on the wall, hearing the doctor tell your significant other what's wrong with them.

Granted, not everything is negative. We do have people that just come in for annual check-ups and that get better. 

These are just the things that really bring me down. Lately, the things that bother me or upset me, don't even matter. I'm doing my best to just enjoy what's in front of me, spending time with my family and savoring the time I have with them. Figuring out what is really worth your time, and disposing of anything that isn't, is a huge breath of fresh air. Be thankful for every second you get and use your time wisely, I have reminders every single day to be a better person than who I've been and I'm definitely taking them into consideration.