I'm a crappy friend

Friday, February 6, 2015

As a quick life update I'll let you know that I'm excited for this weekend to end. It'll be the last big thing we have planned to pass. That's right! No more planning until Thanksgiving. I'm ready to just relax. I'm also ready for the time to change so I can actually see the sun after work. Talk about a motivation killer. I get home as the sun is setting and it just bums me out so much.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how crappy of a person I am. What a downer. But really, I go through friends every couple months. And sometimes we just stop talking but we're still cool, and other times they tell me they hate me and that I'm a bitch. I can't blame them, I am! But it was brought to my attention that it happens a lot. A lot, a lot. Which is embarrassing! I usually don't worry about it because I figure I'll be friends with them in a year or two. What a terrible way to think. Basically, I don't value my friends. Why am I like that? I guess because no matter what, I always have my family. I have it imprinted in my brain that I don't actually need anyone else.

I've been taking baby steps to apologize to people/get on good terms.
1. Stop saying bad things about them
I talk shit, and it's a filthy habit that is insanely hard for me to break. I can go months without saying anything and then I lose my shit and start talking about everyone.
2. Send them a "do you still hate me?" text
I may be a little awkward at approaching people, okay, very awkward. But better than beating around the bush, right? No? Well I haven't found a better way to confront someone.
3. Adding them on social media
It's the ultimate white-flag for me. When I add someone it doesn't necessarily mean I want to be friends, but it does mean that I don't want negativity between us. Sometimes they add me, sometimes they don't.
4. Apologizing
This is the hardest one for me. Especially if I don't think I'm at fault. Whether what I said was rude or not, if I don't feel that I did wrong, why would I apologize? Wrong way to think, yet again. Obviously if I said something and someone tells me they don't want to be friends-I did something wrong.
This doesn't mean apologize just cos you hurt someones feelings. But know what is right and what isn't right to say to someone. Know what they're sensitive about. It's a touchy subject because why should you have to worry about what you say, isn't everyone entitled to using their voice?
The thing I learned about growing up and maturing is that "Maturity is the ability to think, speak and act your feelings within the bounds of dignity. The measure of your maturity is how spiritual you become during the midst of your frustrations." -Samuel Ullman
I didn't have to say those rude things to my friends just to get my point across, in fact, what they do with their lives has absolutely no effect on me, so why bother?

"I want to be a better girl" is written in all of my bios on social media. Not only because I love Best Coast, but because it's true. It's a simple reminder to stop being an asshole and grow up.

So this is my attempt. 


  1. It's a girl thing, don't bring yourself down too much, us women can be so bitchy, hope it all goels well for you, and you are lovely no matter what.

    Meme xx

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  2. I'm glad your growing but I think you're a great friend! I also think this is a very humble post showing your great character.

  3. This is great. It shows real maturity to acknowledge your faults. I think you're a wonderful friend:) It does show a lot about your character writing this. And like the girls said, all girls are like this. Sometimes its worse at times, and times we cant help how we are. But im proud of you for admitting to this and we are all here for you along the way :)