I'm going to try and keep up with this. At least once a week.

I need to learn how to fix it up and whatnot.

I'm so emotional since I had Olivia. I've always been emotional. But this just makes me feel permanently pregnant. Every little thing makes me cry. Or just feel terrible. It may be a blessing in disguise. Because that also means that thinking negatively makes me feel horrible.

Probably the only positive out of this entire thing. Instead of being upset with someone, I just feel bad for them. Instead of bad mouthing someone, I literally think to myself "that is someones son/daughter" and I feel so bad. I wouldn't want someone speaking that way of my child, why should I speak that way of someone else's? That doesn't mean I'm literally saying something bad about someones kid. It just means the young adult that got on my nerves is someone else's kid. And I can't imagine how hurt they would be if they knew I was saying certain things about them. It's giving me time to realize how hateful I am day-to-day. More importantly, that it needs to stop.

So here is my promise, I'm going to do my very very best not to be negative towards anyone. I'm not going to jump at the first opportunity to talk shit about someone. I know it can be hard complimenting people you don't like. But I can at least keep my mouth shut and not be a turd. I'm going to be patient and loving. Disliking people is easy, its so easy to become upset with someone and push them out of your life. The hard part is helping someone. Maybe they're struggling with something way bigger than the situation that caused a falling out, or argument. I never thought to ever take the time and ask someone if they were okay. I never really cared to. How selfish of me. I need to change that. Doesn't mean I'm going to try and become a counselor. Just means every once in a while I can sincerely ask someone how they're doing.

Anyways, I've had tons on my mind, so I may most multiple things until I completely unload and feel at ease.